Every person from your past should be considered practice. You may have chosen "A" instead of "C". Maybe you chose "A" twice. But relationships don’t come with an answer key. Knowing that "A" wasn’t right helps you eliminate possibilities and takes you one step closer to determining what and who is right for you.
Every law student across the country spends almost three months sleeping, breathing, and preparing for the Bar Exam. It encompasses two days of 200 multiple choice questions, and never-ending essays. Beating the exam requires two parts: preparation and belief. No matter how many sample questions you complete, or how many hours you spend in libraries or coffee shops preparing for the exam, if your gut is telling you that you are going to fail, you will. Doubt, fear, and apprehension will wrap themselves around you like an insecurity blanket from the moment you see the first question until you lay your pencil down.
Relationships involve this very same two part test: Being ready for one and believing that you are ready for one. If you have embraced the idea that no one is out there for you or that everyone lies, you will prove yourself right every time. If you have a deep fear of being taken advantage of or cheated on, you will attract people who manifest your fears. Why? Because fear is energy and when you spend your energy worrying about the things you fear, you spend the relationship in fear, instead of in love… in fear that you will be hurt, in fear that you will be alone, in fear that you’ve invested too much time to leave, or in fear that no one else will love you.
When you are really ready to be in a relationship, it means that you are ready to love without fear, that you are open to new possibilities. But you can only do this when you have taken inventory of your past and have learned to accept yourself. And that takes time, along with practice, and a mental shift in your perspective.
When you accept yourself, you provide the signal for others that it is also ok to accept you. When you love who you are, you understand that any rejection you face is their loss, not yours. And then rejection no longer becomes a part of your vocabulary. Instead, it morphs into a gift that enables you to have the courage and motivation to move on and attract the person who fits your values, appreciates your worth, and loves you just how you are today.
Love, just like an exam, requires you to be prepared. You can’t go into the exam without studying and declare yourself prepared any more than you go into a relationship without reflecting on your own life and experiences. You have to do the work and that means looking at your choices, your mistakes, your progress, and how you can improve….exactly what you would do to prepare for any exam. Every person from your past should be considered practice. You may have chosen A instead of C. Maybe you chose A twice. But relationships don’t come with an answer key. Knowing that A wasn’t right helps you eliminate possibilities and takes you one step closer to determining what and who is right for you.
The universe has this way of giving you exactly what you believe at the very moment you believe it. So take the time to reflect, improve, and be prepared for love to enter your life in a manner that may be different from everything you have experienced in your past.