These days, I rarely sit down to watch any particular tv shows. Last night, I was channel surfing and stopped on VH1’s new show Couples Therapy. Rapper DMX was in a session with his wife reflecting on his childhood with his mom and I was floored. I immediately began to understand him in a way that I never had before.
Years ago, I remember seeing the internet flooded with pictures of DMX’s mug shot. From behind the safety of my computer, I clicked on it and judgingly thought “How could someone so famous get to this point?” But after last night, I know and I also know that I am in no place at all to judge ANYTHING that he has ever done.
His childhood was the kind that you hear about on the 11 o’clock news, one that included a collection of verbal and physical abuse and torment. A common punishment from his mom consisted of climbing on his back while he was asleep and brutally beating him with three braided extension cords. He admitted, “This is why sometimes I have trouble going to sleep.”
For the next twenty minutes, I watched him pour out his soul and admit to things he has probably has never spoken about in so much depth. Like so many other adults in this world he was struggling with not having his most basic need met: feeling loved. When we walk around with the effects of abandonment, neglect, and abuse, we fill that void any way that we can. Whether we use drugs, alcohol, food, sugar, humor, or sex, many of us spend our adult relationships trying to replenish or substitute something that was never there.
And that’s what makes the world of relationships so difficult to navigate. You never know when a land mine is buried within someone else, waiting for another person to tread on it.
DMX reinforces the fact that you never, ever know what demons that people are running from or what they are looking for. At the end of the day, we all need to feel that we are loved. It needs to be tangible and palpable. And if we’ve never felt that as a child, it’s a hell of lot harder to know what it feels like as an adult. Maybe he said it best, “No matter how tough you are we all need to be somebody’s baby.”
If you have kids, tell them everyday how much you love them. If you don’t, tell someone else’s kid how much they are loved. We all have the power to make a child feel loved and beautiful and enough. We all have the power to make them feel wanted and cherished and special. Use your power right now. Use it every day. And use it to prevent someone else from having to search for love as an adult, instead of knowing it as a child.
Click add a comment to weight in on the conversation.
© Kristen Crockett
Get More: Couples Therapy