I was in a relationship with a guy who seemed to give just enough to the relationship, but not nearly as much as what I was giving. I wanted more. And I definitely didn't feel like I was asking for too much. So I called my closest male friend to discuss the situation with him. I told him all of the details from my perspective.
"Why do you like him and why do you want to be in this relationship."
"Well because he is really nice and he's funny...and..."
He cut me off. "Because he's nice? Nice is the bare minimum. That should be the standard in your relationships and not a reason to continue dating someone. So what is it that you are asking of him?"
So after I explained what I was looking for and what I wanted him to do to change or to put forth an effort, I ended it by saying, "I don't think I'm being unrealistic. It's not like I'm asking for the world."
What he said next, I have remembered to this day.
"If you are just asking a person for a penny and all he has is lint in his pocket, it doesn't matter that you are just asking for a penny, they simply don't have any more to give you. This guy may not have the emotional capacity to give you what you want. That's something you need to think about."
To this day, that has been some of the best advice I've ever received. At times, our expectations for others are the cause of our sadness. We expect more than they have. We expect something completely different from the signs that we were shown. We ignore reality and dive into "shoulds" and "coulds".
I was reminded of this when I was listening to Sam and Ruby on spotify. They have a song called, More. It is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and touches on exactly what I felt back then....that I needed more than he had to give. I could write the lyrics down for you, but it doesn't do any justice to the song itself. Here it is: Enjoy.