In my teens and twenties, I held on to so many ideas about what relationships were, how I was supposed to be treated, and what it meant to be loved. In my thirties, I found out that almost everything I believed just simply wasn't true. They were myths perpetuated by everything from films, to romance novels, toxic relationships, cliches, and idealistic notions of love.
This week, I am featuring blog posts that focus on those myths.
Myth #1: "It doesn’t matter if my family doesn’t like you."
Truth:Yes, the hell it does!
When I was eighteen, I strayed from friends and family over my choice to date a particular guy. What is worth it? Absolutely not. I stayed waaaaaaay longer than I should have, just to prove to my family that I was right. Even when I started to have huge doubts about my relationship, I felt like I had to stay with him. After all, I had already been through so much drama that I felt I needed to also prove to myself that it was all worth it. I isolated myself from most of the people who truly cared about me. That feeling of being "on my own" led me to stay, even when my fingers were way beyond pruned.
Compare that to my current significant other. My entire family loves him. Before my dad passed away, he used to call me often to tell me what a great guy I had. My brothers love him, my extended family loves him, and my friends keep asking how in the world I managed to find someone just like me. The saddest part about this whole thing is that my mother calls him more than her own children.
The lesson I learned: It is a huge red flag when your friends and family don’t particularly care you’re your mate. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Loving someone is only part of a relationship. A person’s family will always be a factor in your relationship. When you do not get along with someone’s family, it makes the relationship that much more difficult. You will grow to dread holidays and family functions instead of enjoying your time together.
If you are a parent, watch how strongly you come down on your child’s choice in a mate. The more vehemently you disagree with the choice, the more likely your child will feel they have to choose sides. I hate to say it but when the lines are drawn in the stand, you won’t stand a chance.
If you are a child, (and by child, I mean ages 14 and up), don’t immediately discount other people’s objections. Love can blind us by allowing us to see the rose without necessarily seeing the thorns. Every person has both.
Share your thoughts and comments. Have you ever dated someone who your friends and family didn't like?