Being an "Only"

I am an “only” and I work with a lot of “only’s.” I spent a large part of my life feeling different from everyone around me.

It meant that I was often in classrooms where I was the “only.” And then I became the “only” in departments and boardrooms.

Over the years, being an “only” has meant different things. It could represent being:

-The only woman
-The only person of color
-The only person in my department
-The only person to speak out when something feels wrong
-The only person who wants to try something new or different
-The only person focused on emotions during a significant workplace change, loss of a manager, or a reorg.
-The only person to not shy away from the truth in a family

Being an “only” comes with a cost. It can come with a target. It can come with isolation or great responsibility. It can come with people fighting to stay the same (without your new ideas or truth telling.)

It can also come with silence in a meeting when you speak up…and a thousand phone calls AFTER the meeting with people who agreed but who were too afraid to agree with you in the moment.

I have learned that being an “only” is who I have always been and will always be. Because the “onlys” are visionaries, trailblazers, and includers. We are firsts, we are creatives, and we often lead people to ideas.

But more importantly I lead people to themselves. Because being like everyone else, never leads you to yourself.

I have learned to embrace being an “only.” It is indeed my superpower.

Are you an “only”?